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Character(s): Alucard, Sypha, Trevor
Status: Closed
Location(s): The old castle homestead
Date(s) c. May 20th
About: In which three idiots resolve fraught topics like "everything that happened in Einjar" and "emotions"
Warnings: Discussion of blood drinking and gross bodily harm

[Save for the few hours that Alucard had spent trying to deal with the horrible wall of ice (and acting as a ferry), the dhampir had all but clammed up since the incident in Einjar.

(A nice way of putting it, incident. The madness of the ringing had struck upon a hunger that only vampir and their descendants had and the control Alucard always prided himself in was gone. He had turned not on strangers, but on Trevor, and nearly ripped his throat out. The madness took Trevor in a different direction, and the attempt had not been blocked. It had been encouraged. Trevor had nearly died for it, and this was hardly a month after Sypha's return and the determination that the dhampir had far deeper feelings for the Belmont than he had been prepared to admit to in the past.)

Silence was not the only action Alucard took, drenched in guilt and terrified that he may yet again perform such miserable actions. On the trip back from the damned place he had stayed in a small corner of the airship, speaking to no one unless approached and trying his best to avoid the other two. It had continued once they returned to the castle (home), except it was stupider and in truth, more dramatic than need be.

While there were always meals waiting in the kitchen, Alucard's presence was scant. He no longer relied on Trevor as a bed - he had taken to a small room and stayed there most nights. Not that sleep came easy to him. When it did, it simply replayed the horrible moments of teeth tearing into flesh over and over and over again, interspersed with the reminder that the Belmont had sat vigil with Alucard's corpse months ago. This was how the devotion was repaid.

Figuring out how to shadow walk made it easier to avoid the other two as well. He could cast it to the next room or two over and go, and that was probably safer for everyone.

The worst of all of it was that Alucard knew that had the other two stayed back when all three of them were alive a century ago, they'd be dealing with the same behavior. Replace patricide with this, and it was still the same set of behavior.

He stands in the kitchen now, putting the last piece of carrot onto a serving platter. That'll be it for tonight. Dishes can be done in earliest morning.]

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[Alucard's walking over to the kitchen when the light within suddenly becomes all but blinding. There's a soft swear as the cast iron pan he's carrying falls down onto the floor with an all too loud clatter, and then he turns to the door to figure out what is even happening.

There's a loud sigh, and in it, there's defeat. No shadows are being cast right now, that favored escape route is now denied. Which means that it was absolutely known to the others how he was avoiding them both.

What else can he say now but:]

Door's open.

[For a near vampir, he's terrible at that whole invite someone across the threshold thing.]

[ He keeps a careful eye on Alucard as he enters - because the two of them stepping across the wall of bright light means that they're there to cast shadows, even tiny ones. But he does enter, bringing Ellis and Dog with him. ]

You've been making yourself scarce.

[ The tone is light, as if it were just an observation rather than an accusation. He makes straight for the rug by the fireplace, the old one that they used before, and sits himself down there. Dog clambers down from his back to find a corner of room behind the fireplace and tuck himself in there, hissing. ]

If you want the place to yourself, now's the time to ask. [ ...okay, 20 seconds in and he's going off-script and suggesting that the solution to all problems is 'he goes away'. They were supposed to be asking what was wrong and how they can help. Oops. ] The castle, I mean. Not just the kitchen. Plenty of time for us to find someplace to stay before the cold comes back.

Trevor! [ Sypha looks at him aghast, surprised (but also not too surprised) that the entire endeavor has already been derailed. ] That is not what we-- [ She makes a little frustrated growl and pinches the bridge of her nose, then holds up a hand and makes a sharp slashing motion in the air. Her tone brooks no argument, her face set with determination. ]

No, we are not going to leave. Not after everything we've been through together! Not when we're stronger together than any of us could be on our own. I am not losing the only family I have left just because you two are so stubborn. Now you, sit down with us and let's talk.

[ With a tinkling clatter of hooves, she sits down near enough to Trevor that there is a space between them for one recalcitrant dhampir to join them. Mistral swoops into the room and lands on Trevor's shoulder, puffing up and chirping to punctuate her mistress' command. ]

[The moment that Trevor's butt is on the ground is the moment that Ellis climbs onto the goliath's lap and settles in. It's all she's been doing since the events unfolded - although at first it was mostly to keep a careful ear on his heart beat.

It leaves Alucard stranded in the middle of the kitchen, the cast iron pan still on the floor. There's no hiding that his pale face is somehow paler, that his hair is a poofed up mess because he hasn't been maintaining it as he usually does, and that every part of him looks as if it's been compressed by guilt.]

It'd be better if I left the place to you bo-- [That's just going to make Sypha angrier, isn't it? At least Alucard has enough presence of mind to stop himself from continuing the statement.

He doesn't move closer though. Right now, that's just a step too far. He doesn't trust himself with proximity to anyone yet, least of all the other two.]

What would you like me to say, Sypha? I nearly killed Trevor because I lost control and gave in to the absolute worst part of the things my father left to me. If that doesn't demand greater restraints and barriers, what does?

[ Okay, fine. No more offering to leave. Fine. Even if that is the obvious solution. He seems appropriately chastened for as long as it takes for Sypha to stop talking and Alucard to start. ]

Who the fuck cares? [ Literally everyone but you, Trevor. ] Can't fucking die, remember? May as well make the most of it.

[ He huffs, knowing the second that that argument comes out of his mouth exactly how well it's going to work, and tries again. ]

We've always known what you are, that something might happen. Didn't give a shit about it before, don't give a shit about it now.

[ Gods. Although Sypha does cast a sideways glance at Trevor for his almost disturbingly blasé attitude about his potential death, she doesn't contradict him just now. He's not wrong about the utility of their reincarnation, but she isn't quite ready to treat it so casually.

That is a discussion that can be tabled for now; she makes a mental note to revisit it later, once all of this is settled. ]

I think what Trevor is trying to say is that we accept the risk of being near you because we care about you, Alucard. And we trust you, too. What happened... that is not who you are. Would you have attacked him if you weren't under some maddening magical influence? Of course not! So stop blaming yourself.

[ She crosses and uncrosses her arms, her tail swishing behind her as she looks up at Alucard. ] You are more than the worst parts of your heritage.

Who in the fu-- I care, Belmont! [He's back to Trevor's surname now, which means he's mad. But at least all the guilt has manifested into the dhampir flinging his arms upward in frustration.] Which, I might say I'm far, far to worried about your self-sacrifice instincts if anything you said in those horrible few minutes were exaggerations of feelings that you have!

[He's going to turn this around! Absolutely!]

As for myself, the fact it happened at all is far, far too worrisome for me to let go so lightly. [The flash of anger is gone, drowned out by that same sorrow from before.] Circumstances be damned, it could still happen and it could be worse next time. Why would either of you accept such risk?

[There's a very soft whine as Ellis presses herself further against Trevor. This wolf doesn't care about subtle.]

[ The dog is good. The dog gets pets. ]

It could always have happened.

Just how shit at my job do you think I am, if you think that I didn't know all along what you're capable of? You're a fucking monster, and I know you're a fucking monster, and I've never thought you're not a fucking monster, and I chose the risk of staying with you because it was better than not doing that. And you chose the risk of staying with me - and I have dealt a lot more vampir than you've bitten people, if you want to talk about risks - for the same reason.

[ Okay so maybe 'you're a fucking monster' wasn't the best phrase to use Oh well. ]

...I don't know why she sticks around. Probably because she's a madwoman.

Oh, would you stop that? I am not crazy just because I want to be with you! [ She all but shouts it, glaring at Trevor from her seat on the floor. ] And you! Although you're making me want to pull my hair out!

[ Of course their discussion about feelings would turn into a full-on shouting match in less than five minutes. Sypha decides she's not going to remain seated if Alucard won't settle down on the floor with them, so she hops to her feet. ]

Neither of you are monsters. You are both just people. We are all just people who have problems and make mistakes! And... and you two don't value yourselves or your lives enough to even seem to understand why someone else might, but I do! Maybe I am a madwoman caring about two such bullheaded men, but I...

I can't stand the thought of living without either one of you. So please stop yelling and start talking.

[Monster.

There's a visible shift in Alucard at that. His entire body slumps, and while he had managed eye contact up until this point, he shifts it now. Moves it to the pan down on the floor, and he picks it up and busies himself with depositing it next to the sink.

The word rattles in his head, and Ellis, prime spot she has in Trevor's lap, stares up at the Belmont and lets out a low growl of complete and utter disapproval at his word choice.]

We're not yelling. This is, all things considered, a reasonable tone.

[Which is not the point. At all. Period. But it's easier to focus on stupid little things and continue to avoid the real point here.

It's also easier to start to do the dishes here, giving the vampire's hands something to do and a place to focus on other than the two of them.]

What would either of you have me do then? Getting over it is not an acceptable answer.

[Getting over it means getting over a personal failing that Alucard is sickened by, and makes him want to scream about to the heavens. Getting over it means a kind of self-forgiveness that Alucard hasn't allowed for with the biggest and most awful thing he's done in his life - not that the other two have figured that one out yet.

There's also something else in Sypha's words, be with you, but Alucard can't even focus on those.]

[ Trevor doesn't get up. It's easier to talk from below them both rather than from above. He notices Alucard sinking, the way he begins to avert his gaze. He'd feel guilty about it if he thought he'd done anything wrong. He doesn't. It's just the way things are - he's a monster. All of them are, now. He just pets Ellis through the growling. Dog's hissing is getting quieter, which may not be a good sign. ]

I'd have you tell me when you're going to stop acting like this so that I can go find an alehouse and take advantage of my apparently-infinite livers while I wait. If you're going to be going about making me feel like shit for being bitten too much I'd at least like to be drunk for it. Drunk and absent, ideally.

[ Contrary to popular belief, being a Speaker doesn't mean that Sypha always has the right words. During the quest to end Dracula, before any of them died that first time, she'd learned sometimes it was better to let them squabble than to intervene. But things had never been this fraught with emotion before--it was usually just petty bickering at its worst.

Now, everything is different. They hadn't been what they are now before, whatever that is. Their relationships are changing into new and strange things, and clearly none of them has any clue how to act, especially not when tensions are running so high.

Frustrated beyond words, and already on her feet, Sypha does what feels right in the moment.

She headbutts Alucard squarely between his shoulders.

Not enough to send him flying, mind, but none too gently, either. ]

You don't have to get over it! This was never about getting over it! Accepting it, maybe. Acknowledging it. Finding a way to prevent it from happening again. But I would have you at least try to put aside your guilt for a moment. It's not going to solve anything.

[Alucard's ready to snap at Trevor, to tell him...something. He doesn't know, this is spiraling further and further out of control each time that one of the two of them open their mouths, forcing Sypha into the mediator role more and more. In saner, cooler headed moments, Alucard would realize that he's demanding too much of her in this moment. At the moment, Alucard can only be furious at the thought of Trevor leaving and making those kinds of jokes besides.

But then Sypha headbutts him, he drops the pan into the sink with a resounding clatter, and sometimes whatever the Idan version of Cher going snap out of it has power.

He's accepted what happened, yes. He's simply been drowning in guilt and horror and self loathing since then.]

I don't know how to do that. [He sounds far more even keeled than anything else so far.] The last time, neither of you were here. And it was uglier than this.

[The horrible aftermath of Dracula's murder, he means.]

I don't know what else to say at this point. Or do.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

[ Dog's hissing stops. He bares his teeth, flops onto his side and goes completely still. Trevor moves like he's going to get up but then stops, blocked by the wolf on his lap. He just sighs, stroking a hand through Ellis' fur. ]

We don't want you to do anything. We want you to stop doing this bullshit. If you want us here, then get the fuck over here and we do whatever needs to be done about this together. If not, then spit it out. I'm not in the habit of staying where I'm not welcome, and I don't intend to start now.

[ Rather than saying anything else, Sypha loops her arm around Alucard's shoulder and drags him with her over to where Trevor is seated so that the three of them can take their places together by the fire. She makes sure he's wedged between her and Trevor, then reaches over to scoop Dog up into her lap as well. ]

If I know anything, I know that this is a place you will always be wanted. Isn't that right, Alucard?

[ She smiles at the dhampir and nods while gently scratching Dog behind the ears. ]

[You're welcome, please, stay dies on Alucard's lips, just as What I did deserves some kind of response. He's struck silent, struggling to find any words at all to explain to the other two how bad this is. How guilty of stupid cruelty he is, and how they should at least avoid him for a time more so that some kind of penance has been done.

But no. He's silent and stupid and that makes it all too easy for Sypha to steer him over to where Trevor is sat with every other fluffy thing in the house. He's wedged in. No escape route, not like this and not as Ellis shifts so that her butt is in the dhampir's lap and her head and front paws are resting on Trevor's thigh.

He tries to make a noise in response to Sypha's question. That doesn't happen, and the next thing is probably too dramatic even for the dhampir. Alucard's one arm wraps around Sypha's shoulder, and tries to bring her in as the rest of him pivots to Trevor, doing his level best to bury his face into Trevor's sideboob. (It's the only thing he can reach at the moment.)

It isn't a comfortable angle. None of it is. But the words that come next, muffled and soft and so scared are probably what needs to be said to them both, in the end:]

I am so sorry.

[Because even if in the vampire's mind this is on the same level as the action that brought the three together in the first place, here is the difference. He can apologize.]

[ Dog comes out of his stupor, a little dazed, for long enough to look up at Sypha quietly before flopping over again, continuing to play dead. Emotions are difficult, okay? ]

I don't care.

[ He rests one hand on Alucard's back, extending the other one to Sypha as an offer. It's going to be awkward and uncomfortable, but she's welcome to join if she's willing to deal with awkward and uncomfortable. ]

But- I know you do. So if it matters that much, you're forgiven.

[ This... This finally feels like progress. Sypha puts her hand in Trevor's when he reaches out to her. At least he's not playing dead, even if Dog is. Emotions are definitely difficult, but the three of them and their furry and feathery friends seem to be slogging through. Even Mistral seems settled from her perch on Trevor's shoulder.

His offer of forgiveness has her smiling in relief. Maybe they'll be able to figure this out after all. ]

It's going to be all right, Alucard. You will always have us, now.

[Alucard goes boneless at Trevor's words, becoming nothing more than an emotionally exhausted pile of dhampir with his face pressed into the Belmont. It's...it doesn't fix anythingthat's happened, but it is still good and reassuring to hear.

He isn't sure how successfully he's hugging Trevor or Sypha. All Alucard knows is that the other two are around him, and...

...oh. That point.]

Is us agreed on by everyone?

It's-

[ Huh, good question. He'd just sort of assumed that Sypha was welcome wherever she decided to be, and so if she decided to be with them- it only made sense, didn't it? That she'd be welcome there, too. ]

I suppose it is. [ He twists a lock of Alucard's hair around one finger, pulling Sypha in closer with the other hand. ]

[ The new turn in the conversation is admittedly a bit of a surprise to Sypha. It's obvious they're not just talking about us as a team anymore--not even something as nebulous as a found family unit. Her cheeks take on a flattering purple cast to them as Trevor reels her in.

She puts an arm around Dog's limp body to secure him to her chest as she moves to join Ellis in the goliath's lap. With the two of them sitting so close on either side of the dhampir, she can't get much closer without sitting on one or the other of them. There's plenty of room with Trevor, however, and her tail drapes down across Alucard's legs as well. ]

I wasn't sure if the both of you... [ She stammers a little before laughing and ducking her head. ]

[It feels good. All of it. Trevor's hand in his hair, carefully twisting a lock of hair. Sypha right where she is, dragging all the fluffy things with her. (Alucard's not focused on the whole soul part right now, that's just a layer too much. The tail over his lap.

He can't bring himself to laugh even gently at Sypha. It's a real fear. He understands the reasons for it.]

Doesn't matter now. Answer's yes.

Always was, I think. Just never had to think about it before.

[ It’s hard to remember the hurt of only a few moments ago right now. He’ll recall eventually, and they’ll need to talk about all of this further later. For now, it doesn’t matter. He twists his finger through Alucard’s hair until he reaches the end of it and then lets that hand settle at his side. And then he places his other hand under Sypha’s chin, lifting it just a little so if he bows his head his lips brush against the hair of her bangs. ]

May I? [ Kiss her forehead, he means. He doesn’t think he’s misinterpreted the situation, but it’s still probably better to ask. ]

[ Her eyes go a little wide, maybe, but not with fear or alarm. Her heart is beating fast now, and she resists the urge to lean in for fear she'll do so too forcefully in her excitement and hurt him somehow.

Instead, she just nods and tilts her head back. ]

Yes.

[Alucard remains quiet, lifting his head out of Trevor's side just long enough so he can shift it and look at the other two. This is....this is good. This is lovely to watch, how Trevor's massive hands lift Sypha's chin so gently. How the promise of what's to come is perhaps even more wonderful than the kiss itself.

He has nothing to say or do in this moment. But there's a sigh that leaves him that suggests all his stress is gone too, and isn't that a blessing in it's way?]

[ He's careful, so impossibly careful, as if Sypha were something delicate (she is not, and he knows this) and precious beyond words (she is, and he knows this as well). It takes a few more long seconds, but he brings his lips to her forehead ]

The two not-shitty things about all of this bullshit. [ A pause, and a contented sigh. ] The only two not-shitty things in the fucking world, these days.

The only three. [ She corrects him gently, reaching up to touch his face with the tips of her fingers. Can’t let him get away with excluding himself, after all. There’s still a lot for them to work on, but as long as they’re all in it together, she’s certain they can figure out a way. Maybe as they all learn to love and accept each other more, they can learn to love and accept themselves as well.

She’s not holding her breath, of course, but there’s always hope for her boys, isn’t there? Her sweet, stubborn, willful boys. At least now they’ll always have her there to look out for them, even if that means knocking some sense into them, literally. ]

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